Dont'Harryus Potter and the Twerker's Thong
by wheresshaquila
Summary: A ghetto retelling of Harry's story. LOTS OF CURSING but other than that...you don't really have an excuse for not reading it, do you? ;)


**AN: So don't expect anything actually literary here. There will be plenty of grammatical and spelling errors, and lots of cursing (n-words galore) but it's in order to portray the ghetto dialect accurately.**

**Although there is a plot twist at the end, it's just a retelling that comes to the same conclusion. We're hoping to continue the story, and eventually have a different chapter for each of the books. So favorite, review, blah blah blah. We just want to know we're being read.**

***this was written by Bon'Qui'Qui and edited by La'Quisha***

**Also, sorry if this offends anyone. Especially if your name is Dont'Harryus. We're just nerds attempting to be comical smart-asses.**

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So dere were dese niggaz named Lilyniqua and De'James Potter and De'James got dead by dis bitch Voldemortarius but when he tried to kill dey kid Dont'Harryus Lilyniqua was like "AW HELL NAW" so Voldemortarius kill her too! But when he try to kill Dont'Harryus he kill himself cuz he STUPID! And Dont'Harryus got this ratchet ass scar on his forehead! So Dumbledontarius made Vernontarius and Petuniqua Dursley take care of Dont'Harryus. Dey have dey own son too, Dudlontarius.

But dese Dursley niggaz were BITCHES! Dey be so mean to Dont'Harryus and dey be buyin all dis shit fo Dudlontarius. Well one day Dont'Harryus got a ton of letters from Hogwarts dis school for nerds but dat bitch Vernontarius kill dem letters! Den Dont'Harryus get mo' letters! So Vernontarius take his family to a lil' island so dey don't get no mo' goddamn letters.

So dey get to da island but dis big nigga named Je'Hagrid was like "yo Dont'Harryus you're a wizard so you gonna come to wizard school or not?" So Je'Hagrid took Dont'Harryus to Diagon Hood but den Dont'Harryus found out he wuz fucking famous cuz he wuz da nigga who lived. Plus he RICH. So he bought a ton of shit fo' school.

So he went to buy a wand but the wand he got was like Voldemortarius' wand and Dont'Harryus was lie OH SHIT. So Dont'Harryus was gonna take the bus to school. But he couldn't find da goddamn stop so he followed these Weasley niggaz. And he decided to sit by dis nigga Rontarius Weasley.

So dis bitch was sellin' weed and Rontarius was like "no thanks."

But Dont'Harryus knew how ta party so he was like "Bitch I want it all!"

An' Rontarius wuz tryin' to turn his rat yellow but he dint know shit!

So dis bitch Hermioniqua came and she was like "Bitch please."

An' she fixed Dont'Harryus ratchet ass glasses and Rontarius was like "Dat ass."

So Dont'Harryus and Rontarius got to school an' dey met dis bitch named Dracontarius Malfoy an' his pimps Je'Crabbe and Je'Goyle.

So Dracontarius was like "Mmmmmmm Rontarius and Hermioniqua be ratchet!"

But Dont'Harryus wuz like "Bitch get off my ass!"

So this ratchet ass hat told you where you fuckin' sleep and who your fuckin' friends were and you could get Slytherintarius, which was for assholes, Je'Gryffindor, which was for fuckin' superheroes, Ravenquila, which was for nerds, and Hufflepuffiqua, which for all the other niggaz and bitches.

An' Dont'Harryus wore dat ratchet hat and da hat was like "Bitch do I look like I know the answer?"

An' Dont'Harryus was like "Don't you dare put me in slytherintarius!"

But dat ratchet hat was like "BITCH I DO WHAT I WANT but ima put you in Je'Gryffindor"

An' Dont'Harryus was like "Dat hat is my bitch!"

So one day Dont'Harryus was learning how to get high and this nigga named Nevillontarius got way high but dis bitch teacher was like "bitch come down!"

An' Nevillontarius broke his fuckin' wrist and lost his fuckin' ball.

Well Dracontarius took the ball an' he was like "Hey Dont'Harryus I can get higher den you!"

An' Dont'Harryus was like "Bitch please! I'm Dont'Harryus fuckin' Potter!"

An' dis bitch McGonagalliniqua was like "Bitch you wanna get high and do shit?"

An' Dont'Harryus was like "Hell yeah!"

So dis one day Dont'Harryus and Rontarius and Hermioniqua were doin' shit when dey accidentally walked in dis room and dey saw dis big three-headed dog and Hermioniqua was like "Bitch look at dat big trap door it's standin' on!"

So when all da kids in da hood went to go watch Dont'Harryus an' his pimps get high this nigga Je'Snape was casting spells on Dont'Harryus and Dont'Harryus was almost fallin' off his broom! But Hermioniqua set his ratchet ass jacket on fire so it was all good.

So one day dey decided to go under the trap door cause Je'Hagrid was like "This nigga De'Nicholas Flamel created eternal life in his thong dat he twerked in so go get it bitches!"

An' dey played some Drake fo' da dog and it was like "Come on in bitches!"

So Rontarius was like "Yo Dont'Harryus we gotta do a threesome to pass."

So dey did a threesome but Rontarius had some problems cuz it was his first time so Hermioniqua was like "Bitch whatchu waitin' for go find that twerkers thong so you can twerk!"

So Dont'Harryus moved on an' guess who wuz dere? Dis bitch Quirellontarius! And Quirellontarius took off his ratchet hat and guess who's face was on the back of his bald ass head? VOLDEMORTARIUS.

An' Voldemortarius was like "BITCH give me the twerkers thong so I can twerk!"

But Dont'Harryus was like "BITCH I don't have no twerkers thong!"

An' Voldemortarius was like "BITCH it's hangin' out yo pocket!"

Dont'Harryus looked down an' Hermioniqua's thong from the threesome was hangin' outta his pocket. He was like "Take it bitch!"

So Quirellontarius put the thong on and he was like, "AAAAAAHHHHHH THIS ISN'T THE TWERKER'S THONG!" And Quirellontarius burned in hell and they all lived happily ever after.

...until the second chapter...

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**_STAY TUNED FOR DONT'HARRYUS POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF BOOTY_**


End file.
